Transcription:
During COVID, nobody, even if they did belong to a synagogue, was able to go to synagogue and recite Kaddish because large gatherings were not allowed. So we had to look at the sources and remind people where this idea comes from. So let me give you a quick summary of the idea. What the Talmud says is, it is possible for a person to accrue merits in their life even after they are gone. So we should not consider that after a person passes away, their ledger of good deeds and bad deeds just ends. And let me tell you something. What the Talmud says is so true. Everybody here knows that people who may have been gone years and years and years, their good deeds continue to ripple through the world in innumerable ways. Everybody here, I’m sure, has somebody that they have lost, but the good that they did when you did share that time together, you still hold onto it and maybe it helps you live a better life. That’s what the Talmud is talking about, that even after you’re gone, you can still accrue merit. You can still do good. You can still change this world in fundamental ways. And one of those ways is by allowing people to do mitzvot, good deeds, in your name. When I say Kaddish, it is a mitzvah. I’m being mekaddesh Shem Shamayim, sanctifying heaven whenever I say Kaddish and I’m not doing it because I feel like it, I’m doing it in honour of my parent who’s deceased or my sister who’s deceased and I’m giving credit to them for bringing me to this space and for allowing me to do this mitzvah. But if you cannot say Kaddish, is that the only mitzvah there is? Absolutely not. You can give tzedakah. If you give tzedakah and say, I’m giving this money to charity in memory of my deceased parent, that’s an extraordinary mitzvah. COVID was a very, very difficult time for those of us who were helping families with loss. The most difficult part about it was the distance. As many people who died alone, I myself lost a grandparent and I couldn’t say goodbye to her. I couldn’t be with her when she passed away. Nobody in my family could. And then the funeral, of course, had limitations on the size and it had to be done outside and there were changes that had to be made in the service and nobody really knew what the rules and regulations were because it was all sort of changing on an ongoing basis. COVID taught all of us how it may be difficult to make your way to a friend’s funeral, to be there with the family, but it is so important. Because when we didn’t have it, when we were alone, when we were delivering eulogies in front of nobody, maybe just a camera, it didn’t feel right. It felt like we were bearing all of this burden on shoulders that were too weak to carry it. And I think the great lesson that we learned is you have to show up. It really does make a difference. Now, obviously, for people who are unable to show up, it’s a beautiful thing that now the funeral homes will give many options for people who are not able to be there to participate, like to access via the live stream, and then they can hear what’s going on. That’s okay, but it’s never going to be the same as the actual gift of your presence. I say that for the funeral. I say it for, of course, being there at the shiva. That to me is the great, great lesson of COVID. Presence really does matter, and the tradition was very wise in saying that it is a mitzvah to be there and to perform levayat hamet, which means to accompany the deceased. In other words, you’ve got to be there to accompany someone on their last journey in this world. COVID taught us how wise a mitzvah that really is.’