Transcription:
We make a big deal, all the synagogues do, when mourners come to our congregation during the week of Shiva. Not everybody knows this, but they are greeted in a special way when they walk into the room. And you shouldn’t be afraid to go to synagogue on Shabbat. Actually, it gives you the opportunity on Shabbat to say Kaddish. Kaddish is a very important prayer that we believe merits the soul of the person who’s passed away. You honour your parents in life, you honour them in death. One of the ways you honour them is by saying a prayer called the Kaddish, which is a prayer of praise to G-d that is recited very, very often in synagogue, but in certain occasions, specifically only by people who have experienced a loss. The obligation to say Kaddish begins immediately at the cemetery after burial. You’ll see that at the cemetery. The rabbi will say, now you will recite Kaddish. But it continues for about 11 months after a person passes away. And every time it is said, it’s like you’re doing a good deed for a person who’s passed away. It can only be said in a community. You have to have a minyan to say Kaddish. So when you come to synagogue during that week of Shiva, you’re able to say Kaddish during the service. You stand up and recite it. And what’s beautiful when you come to synagogue is even strangers will come up to you and say, I’m sorry for your loss. And that is to me so beautiful about Judaism that a person who may not have been to synagogue in a very long time can walk in. And when people find out that they are there because they’re in mourning, their loss becomes a communal loss. We share in their grief. And even though that doesn’t make the pain go away, it does, I think, make the pain a little bit lighter to bear. The significance is actually the year of mourning. So the obligation of a mourner, when it’s your parent who’s passed away, extends for a full year. Now Kaddish, because it gives merit to the deceased, some people say if you need to say the Kaddish for a full year, it means your parents must have been pretty lousy and they need your prayers to give their soul merit because they didn’t live a good life. So there’s an old tradition that we don’t say the Kaddish for the full year. We go a little bit less and only say it for 11 months. A person who mourns for a brother or a sister or spouse or, G-d forbid, a son or a daughter mourns for 30 days. It’s a shorter period of mourning. And any funeral home and any rabbi will help you to know the date when the Kaddish ends. They’ll show you on the calendar. It’s not straightforward the way it’s calculated and there can be holidays that get in the way. So you should always ask a rabbi or the funeral home when the date of mourning ends. When you lose a parent, you’re losing more than just a relationship.