Transcription:
So there are different kinds of Shiva depending upon the family. I think it’s important that people not make a Shiva into a wake, which is from a different religion, a different tradition. Sometimes people think that a Shiva is supposed to be a festive gathering, but it’s not that. It’s a solemn gathering, but at the same time the objective is to console the mourner. And as I mentioned before, to console the deceased who is present at the Shiva quite often. And so it’s really important for the people who are going to be visiting the Shiva house to really try and focus on the deceased and not talk about the Super Bowl or other events that are happening just in the general society or in people’s lives. I remember not too long ago I was at a Shiva house for a family who was grieving over their son who had passed away in an accident. When I arrived, I sat quietly because the tradition says that you’re not supposed to initiate conversation with a mourner because the mourner may be lost in their thoughts and may not be in the mood for talking. So you’re supposed to wait for the mourner to initiate conversation. But as I’m sitting there and listening, I found that many of the mourners who were not that familiar with Shiva traditions were really talking about very trivial things not having nothing to do with the child who had passed away, probably because it was too painful for them to confront it. So when I found a moment of a break in the conversation, I turned to the mother and said, please tell me about your son. And she broke down in tears and she said, thank you, thank you, thank you. I couldn’t take this anymore. I just want to talk about my son. At the Shiva house, there are a few things that are done to prepare the home for Shiva. One is to cover the mirrors, and this is also in this of the same genre of tearing one’s clothes. My personal appearance, the way that I normally would groom myself or dress myself, those are not really important right now in light of the huge loss that I’ve just experienced. And so that’s the reason why we cover the mirrors. We also light a seven-day candle that’s usually provided by the funeral home, and we keep that lit for the entire Shiva. The mourners are supposed to sit on a low stool, again, not to cause themselves pain, that’s not the objective, but really to deprive themselves of the normal comforts that they would be accustomed to. And in addition to that, friends and family try to provide the mourners with meals, with the understanding that when you’re in the midst of mourning, you may not be in the right state of mind to start working in the kitchen and making dinner for yourself and your family.